A couple of weeks ago I mentioned the issue of breaking soul-ties. We usually mention this topic at every Pure Heart Weekend, but we don’t have the time there to develop the issue. Let’s do that today.
The Bible doesn’t use this exact term, soul-tie; however, the central passage is 1 Corinthians 6:16, “He who joins himself to a harlot, becomes one body with her. For as it is written, ‘the two shall become one flesh.'” Join and become one. Then Paul quotes Moses. He makes reference to the original wedding in the Garden of Eden to make the point that when two bodies come together sexually, they create a union of one flesh. Sexual behavior with anyone you are not married to creates an illicit, sexual soul-tie, a oneness not sanctioned by God. Thus, our term “soul-tie” is referring to this bonding and attachment of soul and body in the intimacy of sexual nakedness.
Soul-ties can also be created through other sexual behaviors, even without mutual consent. Rape, incest and molestation can create unwanted soul-ties. These kinds of sexual sin most often include the extra consequences of demonic presences. These soul-ties must be broken, too.
Further, completely apart from sex, pastoral counseling has uncovered that there can be soul-ties that come from other manipulative, controlling relationships, where one person exerts an unnatural influence over another person. These unholy attachments must be severed if we are going to know the fullness of God in our lives. I will write more about these other kinds of soul-ties next week.
Definition: A soul-tie is any unholy, ungodly attachment you have made willingly or unwittingly —or had foisted upon you— with another person, whereby the union of this relationship has a negative, damaging influence over your mental, emotional and spiritual health, affecting also your physical health.
Amplification. A soul-tie is first and foremost something that happens when you have a sexual relationship with someone. If it’s your spouse, that’s a holy soul-tie. But a soul-tie outside of the biblical bounds of marriage is ungodly. This would also include all pre-marital and extra-marital sexual touching and nakedness at any level. It is even possible that an extra-marital passionate kiss could serve to create an emotional soul-tie between two people. Any kind of “pre-sexual,” affectionate behavior with someone (lengthy hugs, meaningful kisses, unexpected kisses, sensual and affectionate touches) can possibly serve to cause one or both parties to create unholy, emotional soul-ties with each other, leading to fantasy imaginations, day-dreaming, and other ways that we can withdraw emotionally from our own marriages.
The Response. In prayer, this sexual behavior and all emotional, secret imaginations (fantasies) should be renounced in the name of Jesus Christ. The soul-tie should be verbally broken, and the oneness must be cancelled in the name of Jesus, and cast out of the mind. Any secret fantasies should be renounced in His name, and cast from your mind.
The Next Thing. After renouncing the unhealthy bond, there will be an emptiness inside when this prayer work has been done. It might be felt later, later that night, later in a moment of loneliness. When you feel this emptiness in the soul, don’t be fooled by it. It doesn’t mean that you made a mistake to cleanse this person from your heart. It is not some so-called permission to help yourself to more illicit soul-ties. Oh, no. This emptiness is the loneliness in your soul that caused you to make the attachment (whether real or a fantasy) in the first place. This emptiness is from the lack of true attachment you have struggled to make in life.
Lastly and On Going. This emptiness must be filled. You fill it two ways. First, through intimacy with The Father. Your need is real, and it can be agonizing, even painful. You must come to the God of All Comfort and throw yourself in His lap in prayer, as you seek the healing presence of His love (2 Thess 3:5; 2 Cor 13:14; I Jn 3:1). Ask the Holy Spirit to direct the love of the Father to be poured into your heart. (Jn 14:16; Eph 3:15f)
Second, this emptiness must be filled through appropriate, meaningful relationships with your spouse, your children, and other godly friends. Meaningful loving, connecting and bonding produce the joyful intimacy in the heart that heals this emptiness.
You must continue to recognize the re-occurrence of this emptiness, this longing in your soul to be tied into another soul. It is a true longing, a true longing for intimacy. It is part and parcel of being made in the image of God; therefore, this true longing must be attended to with authentic, healthy relationships. Not with ungodly, sexual soul-ties.
-Carter