- Be together for the right reasons.
For those of you who are considering getting married, be sure that you are coming together being led by Word and Spirit, in the mind of Christ. Do you believe that God is the author of this relationship? Will Christ clearly be the head of this new home you will be establishing? Is there any doubt about it? If there is doubt, please seek further confirmation from God.
Don’t get married from the pressure of family or friends. This is not their marriage. But if you are getting pressure to break-off the relationship, then listen carefully and pray earnestly to God about these premonitions from your loved-ones.
Do not date or consider marriage to someone because this person is so superior to your expectations. Are you counting on their presence in your life to lift your own sense of value and identity? If you cannot stand in your identity in Christ, but are coming to depend on this person to make you feel whole, then unwittingly you will be asking too much from this person. Your expectations for the relationship will eventually come crashing down, and this will not be good. Your unhealed shame and self-judgment could manifest in very damaging ways. You will destroy the relationship eventually, and this “superior” person, who has been an idol, will control your heart for long after your relationship ends.
Finally, for heaven’s sake, do not stay in a destructive relationship because your sexual life is passionate. We are not bonobos! We are sexual creatures, for sure, but we are made in the image of God, not the image of Aphrodite. Our God is a loving and holy God. We are created in the likeness of a boundary-keeping, promise-keeping Spirit, Whose love is the highest form of love. If your relationship is emotionally consuming and fiery, then your sex will become destructive: manipulative, controlling and eventually, very empty. This, then, will lead to greater anger, and possible violence. Passionate people can be very aggressive, but when anger is the passion . . . well, look out!
- Communication is important, but not as important as mutual respect.
Choose to go deeper in a relationship where you admire one anothers faith in God, where you believe in each other’s decision-making values, and where you appreciate how your partner treats other people, especially those closest to him.
I married a young couple last year, and I knew instantly upon meeting them that they were going to have a lasting marriage. I have known the bride since she was a little girl, the best friend of my daughter. However, I did not know the young man, so I wanted to meet with them before the wedding ceremony. Here is why I knew that their marriage would be healthy and secure: when I asked her (a 4.0 student at LSU) why she was attracted to him, she said, “He’s the smartest person I know.” He just nodded right back to her and me and said, “She’s the smartest person I know.” Their mutual respect had opened the door to trust, and such faith in one another is the gateway to intimacy. I gladly officiated their wedding.
- Fight fairly. Forgive freely.
Everyone will have arguments. Every couple will struggle with each other’s decisions, desires and differences. It’s normal. You are going to hurt each other, and especially if you have failed to grow up. Immaturity is marked by a low tolerance for frustration, and thus, it is inflexible and prone to anger. Immature people are judgmental and critical; they hold grudges, too. Are you dating one? Are you married to one? Are you one?
Mature people have learned to resolve conflicts. They have learned to adapt, be flexible, and appreciate the differences of others. Mature people have learned to deal with frustrations in a healthy way, and don’t damage the mutual respect in the relationship. 
When you do have fights and arguments, don’t attack the other person’s character. Don’t attack their body, their brain, or their faith. Do not shame them with their failures from the past. Your partner is not stupid or evil. Don’t attack their identity. You can complain about their behavior, but remember, your spouse is “a holy, righteous child of God who, at the moment, has had a lapse in judgment, or has made a mistake, or is acting out of his/her earlier life-woundings.” Grant some grace.
Forgive. If you are married, remember when you stood at the altar and said, “. . . for better, for worse?” You were agreeing and vowing on that day that when your spouse is acting out one of those “worse” days, that you will love as Christ does. Tell yourself, “I already told her on our wedding day that she is forgiven —already forgiven! Keep forgiving, just as you once vowed.
Carter