It happens every few Pure Heart Weekends, when someone tells a story that breaks your heart. When John related his story, our jaws dropped. We sat in stunned silence. We thought, how could a parent be so cruel?
John’s father was a civil servant, whose job required him to keep his cool. He was on the side of the good guys in the community, and he was a strong, trusted personality in their small city.
One school morning John and his younger brother, Alan, were moving slower than normal, and their horseplay was not welcome during the 7am hour. Mom had left earlier, and dad wanted to get his two sons to eat breakfast and get out to the bus stop. He had to fuss. He got frustrated. Then he yelled, but the boys did not hustle; the boys were still moving too slow.
Irritated, he finally had had enough. Their father screamed several choice words at the boys, and called them something regrettable. He told them they were nothing better than a pile of garbage. In fact, that’s what they were, trash! The father went out to the garage and got two big black lawn bags, heavy and durable trash bags. He whipped them in the air to open them up. And then he told both boys, “Get in!”
Still with the mind of horseplay, John and Alan each crawled into a bag. At their age both boys were small enough to fit inside. Dad knotted up the top of each bag to secure their closure, then he picked up the bags and carried them out through the garage to the end of the driveway. It just happened to be garbage day, and the trash cans were out there already. Now two more bags were dragged out and placed there, too.
You are probably thinking that dad was merely teaching a lesson, that momentarily he would be back to open the lawn bags, clear his throat, and make his teaching point. John was thinking that, but not wanting to stir up his dad’s rage, he waited. He did not want to rip the bag open, which would render the bag useless, which might also enrage his dad. He continued to wait. Surely dad will be back.
But dad locked up the house, got in his car and drove out of the driveway. He went to work!
John and Alan sat in their dark bags. Alan probably broke first and began to cry quietly. John did not know what to do.
A few minutes later, thankfully it was elderly neighbors casually gazing out their kitchen window who noticed that two garbage bags across the street were moving. Thankfully, they came quickly to explore, and John and Alan were released from their dark, plastic punishment.
At Pure Heart Weekend, John shows up wearing his Shame-based Identity. He is a very likable man around fifty years-old today. With a keen mechanical aptitude, he was also smart as a whip, and I had to be on my biblical toes with his sharp mind in the circle. But you can probably guess what his identity was: Unwanted; Reject; Unloved; Worthless Trash.
Based on what his dad had done on this particular morning, you can easily imagine that boys’ dad did something like this often. His anger and low tolerance for frustration surely sent many negative messages to them, over and over again.
Dad was obviously a wounded man, and wounded people wound people.
Re-visiting the memory in healing prayer, John closed his eyes to wait on the Lord. After a few moments, I asked if he could see the Lord. He said, “No it’s dark . . . it’s just dark.”
I got concerned. I thought our prayer time might be fruitless.
Then suddenly John blurted out, “I’m in the bag . . . it’s dark inside the bag . . . but wait! . . . now the Lord is here . . . He is filling the bag with the light of HIs life . . . It’s gone, the bag has simply vanished, and Jesus and I are standing there in the driveway together.”
The Lord removed the shame from John’s heart. His healing presence evaporated an old identity in this painful memory. The Father’s love joined with the Son’s grace to cancel the shame, and establish John more fully in his new identity: Loved, Wanted, Worthy son.
What’s in your backstory. Remember: today’s stubborn strongholds come from yesterday’s unhealed wounds.
What memory still haunts you? What memory still shames you when it arises in your mind? Bring it to the Lord Jesus Christ in prayer. Let Him establish you in the righteousness of your new identity, In Him.
Carter