Last week we looked at the issue of soul-ties, the unholy attachments we make with other people to the harm of our spiritual integrity with the Lord. We pointed out that the term “soul-tie” doesn’t appear in the Bible as such, but it is implied in the central passage, I Corinthians 6:16. If you did not read last week’s blog, I would encourage reading it before reading this piece.
Today I want to highlight the danger of soul-ties that come from other manipulative, controlling relationships. Soul-ties can be created when one person exerts an unnatural, ungodly influence over you, resulting in a negative, damaging influence over your mental, emotional and spiritual health, and can harm your physical health as well.
We have seen family dynamics where a parent manipulates and controls a child with such a spirit of intimidation and domination that the child suffers into adulthood. This influence is so powerful and harmful that as an adult this grown-up child struggles to accomplish adult responsibilities in his adult relationships.
I once counseled a woman whose mother chose her clothing, chose her friends, made her end relationships with childhood playmates, made her break up with boyfriends, and even made her change schools to get out of a particular carpool at the former school!
I’ve seen mothers with severe wounding from their own childhood, who force a child to give up his own social life, to always be available to her for her comfort. She was so afraid of being alone that she controlled him with pity and manipulation to maintain a (false) sense of security. This power made her feel loved, while the son was fuming on the inside. Her control produced in him a hatred and resentment of his mother that controlled him emotionally as an adult.
I’ve heard of alcoholic and rage-aholic fathers who have controlled the atmosphere in the home every night with screaming, intimidating and threatening of the whole family; fathers who feel it is necessary to emasculate and compete with their own sons. These kids grow up fearful, unambitious, emotionally bankrupt, or so angry that they are unable to bond with their own spouse and children. These adult-children’s poor sense of identity and personhood keep them debilitated as adults in their jobs and marriages. This raging father still controls them from the past.
Then there can be the mother who, after being rejected in divorce, becomes perversely attached emotionally to her oldest son. There is no sexual behavior between them, but the mother comes to his bedroom at night to rub his back, or to talk about how lonely and hurt she is, telling her son inappropriate stories about her terrible relationship with his father. These sons are aware that they are being manipulated into an improper role, and it haunts their consciences in their own marriages.
These mothers and fathers have controlled family relationships with a power akin to witchcraft. In fact, this could be the demonic force behind their energy. In their desperate need for emotional dependency the mother is using a spirit of manipulation, coercion, and seduction. The father is using intimidation, fear and shame. They create adult-children who struggle to cope with their own relationships and responsibilities. In some cases they remain emotionally dependent on this parent.
These adult-children should break the soul-tie with their parent(s) by the following prayer.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I renounce the soul-tie my parent has created and foisted on me through her/his intimidation, manipulation and control. I cancel the perverted oneness I have with her/him, created by a spirit of witchcraft, dominion and demonic control.
With my spoken renunciation of this soul-tie, I ask You to break all bondage Satan has brought in to my life through my involvement. I renounce any and all agreements or allegiances that I have made to any controlling, demonic spirits.
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I here and now break every emotional, mental, volitional, and spiritual influence that my mother (father) has over my life.
By the blood of the Lord Jesus, I ask you Heavenly Father to take back all ground gained by the enemy in my emotions, my mind and my will, and seal it off as holy ground. Take me on a walk into maturity, as your indwelling righteousness transforms my affections, my thoughts, my determinations, and my choices. Fill my mind, will and emotions with Your Life.
Lord Jesus, I thank you that you have claimed me for yourself, and I forgive my parents for their inability to love me well. For this I have you, my Heavenly Father, and I declare myself to be eternally one with You. In Your Name I speak this, Amen.”
-Carter